


well you look like yourself but you're somebody else (only it ain't on the surface)

by thisdarkpassenger



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Confessions, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Original Character(s), starts Joana+Eloy then moves to Croana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdarkpassenger/pseuds/thisdarkpassenger
Summary: prompt: confessing your deepest secrets on camera doesn't come without consequences
Relationships: Joana Bianchi Acosta & Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña, Joana Bianchi Acosta/Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña, Joana/Eloy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	well you look like yourself but you're somebody else (only it ain't on the surface)

The screen was black, with only static and slight muffling from the speakers. It sounded like nothing at first, and then more clearly, people talking to each other, about the lighting, the set up, the time. The screen still remained black.

Cutting through the background noise was the sound of a chair being dragged across a floor; sharp and painful, and then silence.

“Can you state your name?” A male voice asked. The screen remained black.

“ -Bleep-Bleep-Bleep. ”

“Hi, -Bleep- , whenever you’re ready, you can go start.” There was a long pause, and then a femalesarted speaking.

“How many people will see this exactly?” Hesitancy and uncertainty filled her voice. Given that there were no visuals, the only cues to work with were from her voice.

“We’re not sure. We’re going to upload it to our youtube channel once this series is finished. Would you prefer-” And then the voice was cut off.

The black screen came to life, the camera was out of focus, and the sound was back, people muttering among themselves, coughing could also be heard.

It was expected that when the camera finally came to a focus, that it would be on a person’s face, like the previous videos had been, but rather, the camera focused on the person’s red top over grey pants, taking up the space on the screen. From the curve of the body and the hint of breasts at the top of the screen, it had to be a woman.

“Can you state your name again?” the male voice asked again.

“ Bleep - Bleep-. ” And just like that; she was anonymous. 

“Thanks, -Bleep- . Whenever you’re ready, you can start.”

The silence continued for a few more moments, but it was clear the camera was still recording as the woman’s hands started nervously fidgeting. She started running her fingers over her knuckles and letting her thumb caress the back of her hand in a soothing manner.

“I’m in love with one of my closest friends' girlfriend,” she finally said, getting straight to the point. “I saw the sign outside, and thought why not? It’ll be cheaper than obtaining a therapist, and I’m not exactly religious enough to go to confession.”

She pauses again.

“So here I am.” She dropped her hands, sighed, and her body squirmed on the metal stool. “Her name is -Bleep- .” More anonymity. “Nothing has ever happened, and it will never happen, but..,but that doesn’t stop how I feel about her. That doesn’t stop me from thinking about her.” She paused, letting out a breath of air she was holding in, before continuing. “I met her first. It's not like that matters, but we were...I was...I had met her at a party and she seemed interested...she was...I thought things were going well, we were hitting it off, and then, I don’t know, I have no idea, she met -Bleep- . Then that was it.”

Letting out a dry laugh, the woman’s leg started bouncing up and down and she rested her hands on her knees, despite the movement.

“I know better, I know what it feels like to be cheated on, so I would never, not in a million years,” she sounded so serious as she spoke, her voice heavy and thick. “But I can’t stop thinking about her. I mean, I have tried, trust me, I really have, I thought I’d get over it, eventually at least, I thought when they started dating everything would go away, everything would leave, and I want that to happen, I really wanted that to happen, I needed it to happen, and I really want this all to go away, but…”

Her words started losing momentum, she stopped, and seemed to gather herself before speaking again.

“They’re engaged now,” those words were quiet. “I found out a few days ago.” She cleared her throat before continuing “So, I guess my confession should really be; I’m in love with one of my friend’s fiancée .”

Once again, her body started shaking, her breathing became heavier, and then tears fell onto her clothes.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should tell anyone, or her, or say something or...yeah. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Her hands moved and disappeared from view, as she furiously wiped her face, sniffled, and regained composure.

“At their wedding, I’m going to be standing up there, wishing them the best, and it will-” Her body started to shake again, and she hid her head in her hands, her face still remained out of frame, but strands of her hair managed to fall into frame.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said, body slumping, taking another shaky breath, then like it was at the beginning, the screen went black.

A second later, text appeared in the corner of the screen.

\- Confession #13 - C.S.

And that was it. It was over. The screen was filled with similar videos, the other confessions had been posted, but none of the others had stood out as much to Joana as much as that one had.

She knew that voice. She knew that figure. She knew that hair. She knew those hands. She knew those initials.

Joana sat back in her chair, confused, lost, her heart was beating faster, and she felt her palms begin to sweat.

What did she just watch?

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she picked up her phone with shaking hands. Her first instinct was to call Estrella, to yell at her for sending her the link to that video, for even thinking of sending it to her. But then, her thumb hovered over the send button.

She couldn’t.

The wedding ring on her hand was a reminder of that fact.

But instead, she did what she was originally planning to do.

“Why did you send that?” Joana harshly said into the phone.

“You needed to see it.” She sounded so unphased, like this hadn’t completely rocked Joana’s world. Like she expected this.

“No. I didn’t,” Joana stressed, rubbing one of her temples. “What are you doing? Are you trying to ruin everything?”

“Joana, I just sent you a video. That’s all. I haven’t done anything to your marriage. That’s on you.”

“You know what I meant.”

“No, I don’t. I have no idea. Why would this affect your marriage?” Estrella asked, pausing for a quick second. “Unless, this news matters to you? Unless the idea of Cris once being in love with you is somehow important?”

“Stop.” Estrella always knew what to say in order to get under her skin. “For fuck’s sake, why would you send me this?”

“You know why. It’s going to come out. People will find out. I think you should figure things out before it does.”

Joana collapsed into the chair and let out a sigh.

“I might need somewhere to stay.”

“My spare room is open,” Estrella replied, like she had planned for these circumstances. Damn.

“Thank you.”

And that was the end. Joana ended the call and closed her eyes. She needed a moment. At least a moment. To process everything that happened. Things were going too fast for her, it’s not as if she had any say, things were going to change, there weren't multiple ways to go about it, she just wasn’t sure what exactly the universe had planned for her.

With her phone in her hand, Joana opened her eyes and decided to dive head first. It was reckless and foolish, very much so, but her heart was still racing with Cris’s confession fresh on her mind. It had been four years.

Four years. Four Years. Four Years.

_ [Joana] Confession #13 - C.S _

_ [Joana] Confession: I went to that party for you, and I didn’t think you were into me _

_ [Joana] Confession: I had no idea you felt this way _

_ [Joana] Confession: Now I don’t know what to do _

She sent the messages right after the other, knowing and hoping Cris would understand, knowing she would know exactly what she meant. As if she touched a hot stove on accident, Joana set her phone onto the table after the last message and moved away from her phone.

If her heart was racing before it was sprinting now, pounding in her chest with each stride she took. Cris might not reply, but god, Joana was hoping she did. She needed to know, she needed to get this out there.

Four years. Four years. Four years.

With a sudden vibration coming from her phone, Joana pounced, grabbing it quickly and going to read what Cris had returned.

_ [Cris] You continue to stay married to one of my friends, and you never mention this conversation agai _ n

Ha. Like that was ever an option to begin with.

_ [Joana] I don’t think I can do that _

Or, she didn’t think Eloy would do that when he found out.

_ [Cris] You need to. That was college. That was years ago _ .

_ [Joana] Do you still feel that way? _

_ [Cris] What are you trying to accomplish here? Are you trying to cheat? your husband of all people? One of my friends??? _

Joana scowled at that message and shook her head. This wasn’t about that. This wasn’t about an affair. This was...well, this was about closure, tying up loose ends, so to speak.

_ [Joana] You know I would never do that _

_ [Cris] Then we need to stop talking. _

_ [Joana] Do you still feel the same way? _

_ [Cris] Why does it even matter? Looking for an ego boost? _

The harshness of Cris’s words was loud and clear, and now it was time to come clean. Cris needed to know this wasn’t her way of trying to take advantage.

_ [Joana] You should watch the rest of the series. They release a new confession every day. _

Dropping the phone back on the desk, Joana tried to keep herself composed and took a deep breath. She left it at that, deleted her browsing history, shut down her computer, and went to distract herself elsewhere.

Estrella had said it was going to come out, and Joana knew, now that the project was gaining more attention, that would certainly be the case. The last thing she expected was for Eloy to be the one to bring it up.

“Guess who I ran into today,” Eloy said, stirring the pot on the stove.

They were making dinner, on one of the few nights they had together, when shifts coincided. Joana was prepping the salad, while Eloy was putting the main dishes together, and doing the majority of the actual cooking.

“Who?”

“Hugo, Viri’s boyfriend in college?” They hadn’t exactly run in the same circles, but Joana knew of him.

“The writer?” she asked, not wanting it to be obvious. 

“Yeah, he went into film studies though. Remember, he was doing that confessional project, senior year?” Eloy said, doing a taste test of the sauce, before grabbing more salt.

“Hmm. Oh. Yeah.” The steady rhythm of the knife against the chopping board slowed. “How is he doing?”

“Really good, actually. His project was nominated for a few awards, and I think he won some, too.”

“That’s-that’s great. Really great”

“I watched them,” said Eloy, still staring into the pot. The knife slipped about like a fish on the chopping board, the lettuce being sliced haphazardly, and Joana paused. “I was surprised with how good they were.”

“Hmm.” She didn’t know what else to say. Her heart was racing.

Cris’s video had come out nine days ago, which meant that unless the order changed-

“And surprised by who I saw in them.” Shit.

“Eloy-”

“Did you know?” Eloy asked, dropping the spoon down, crossing his arms and was now facing Joana.

“Know what?” Joana asked, standing up taller, knife down.

“About Cris.” Cris. It was about Cris. Joana slumped slightly against the counter at that.

“What about Cris?” she tried, acting the fool. She was getting pretty damn good at it.

“You should watch it,” Eloy said, coming over to get the onions.

“The videos?”

“Confession 13. Watch it.”

“Eloy-” But Joana knew the look she was receiving, it wasn’t like she could come out and say she’d already seen it, so she gave in. “Fine, I’ll go see what all the fuss is about.”

Heading into the living room, Joana grabbed her laptop and headphones and took a seat. She left Eloy cooking in the kitchen and found the website, searching for confession 13. It returned what she was looking for, a playlist of all the others, and with a click, she had it ready to play.

Joana watched the video again, guilt seeping through every crevice of her body with each passing second. It was worse by the end of the video, when it showed what others were available to watch.

“Did you know?” Eloy asked, standing under the doorframe, watching her, and Joana nearly jolted out of her spot.

“No. I had no clue.” Liar. Liar. Liar. Fucking liar.

Eloy nodded and crossed his arms over his chest again, he pursued his lips together, and confusion formed between his brows.

“Did you watch the rest of them?” Joana asked, rising from the couch, clasping her hands together in uncertainty.

“No, I stopped after that one. I really couldn’t handle more.” There was a humorless laugh that ensued, and then Eloy shook his head. “I can’t believe she was in love with you.”

Joana wanted to ask why that was so hard to believe, but knew what could follow.

“You believe she was?” is what came out instead.

“Why else would she say as much? Okay, they cut out her name and her face, and your name, but it’s her and you. It was so obvious. She was in love with you. She might still be!”

“I don’t think so,” Joana mumbled, eyes casted on the floor

“It’s not right,” Eloy said, frowning.

“It’s not her fault.”

“Joana,” his voice was soft, as if Joana was a fool for thinking otherwise.

“You can’t help who you fall in love with,” Joana said, knowing that better than anyone.

It was enough for now, and Eloy waved her words off, going back into the kitchen to finish dinner.

No more words were said during dinner.

She retreated to the bedroom and was sitting up in bed, reading through her notes for the next day. She had her laptop up on her lap, and was almost oblivious to her surroundings; including the addition of Eloy at the doorway.

“I watched the rest of the confession videos.” If his presence hadn’t been enough to startle her, his words certainly did, like ice running through her, and she sat rigid.

“Oh?” she said, knowing that her voice sounded shaky.

“Number 21. That is yours,” and then repeated “ number 21” voice croaking, and Joana pushed her laptop off her.

“Eloy-” she began, but Eloy already had enough.

“No. Don’t.” He put his hand up, stopping her in her tracks.

It was enough to do just that, and more.

The doorbell rang at two in the morning, and Estrella was going to murder whoever felt like they had the right to wake her at that time. Quickly grabbing a baseball bat, she opened the door, and then immediately did a double take.

“What happened?”

“Can I stay here tonight?” Joana asked, face red, eyes puffy, in her pyjamas, with a bag slung over her arm.

“Sure, what happened?” Estrella opened the door wider, letting in Joana, who was awkwardly standing in the hallway.

“I think...I think my marriage is over.” Shit.

“What happened?” she repeated, stressing the words, needing to know, and Joana almost crumbled.

“The truth came out.”

“Because of me-”

“No. He found them on his own.” Joana looked like she was going to fall into the floor. Estrella didn’t waste time before pulling her into a hug, and leading her to the bedroom.

Best thing for Joana now was sleep, where she could stop existing for a few hours.

“Can you state your name?” a male voice asked, the camera zooming in and out of focus until it settled. 

“-Bleep-Bleep-,” the girl replied, pushing the sleeves of her white shirt up to her elbows, getting comfortable on the stool.

“Hi, -Bleep-. Whenever you’re ready, go right ahead.”

The girl tapped her fingers on her knees before clearing her throat.

“I’m getting married,” she said, a smile in her voice, face out of shot. “It’s completely new. My boyfriend proposed the other day.” The sound of the smile diminished. “It’s new and different and exciting but...there’s this girl. I’m in love with this girl.”

She let out a long shaky breath.

“She has no idea. She has never shown any interest whatsoever, which makes me so pathetic. So fucking pathetic. And I know that. I’ve known that. I’m aware. I am-I’m-I’m engaged to a guy I love, and in love with a girl, and I don’t deserve either of them. I don’t deserve anyone”

Her fingers tapped again and again. Then nothing. Until she clasped them, leaning forward in the chair, elbows on her knees, hands in her hair. Her locks falling into the shot.

“I feel like when I walk down that aisle, I’m going to be looking at the wrong person. I’m going to be giving my life to one when I want it to be to another.” It was said just above a whisper. “But I love my fiance. I can’t hurt him like that. I can’t cancel the wedding, I can’t break up with him. I do love him, and there will be an amazing future ahead of us.”

Another pause.

“I just...I can’t help thinking about -Bleep-.”

And then another.

“What makes this worse, is she’s one of my fiance's friends. She’s going to be up there, she’s going to be in our lives every day from now on, and I don’t...I don’t know if I can handle that.” There was that shaky breath again, that slow exhale filled with struggle. “I don’t know what to do, and if you knew me, you’d know that’s not who I am anymore. It’s been years since I didn’t know what to do. Now it’s crisis mode after crisis mode.” That was easy to believe, by the strength of her voice, the steadiness of her hand.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I think I’m going to end up hurting all of us if this ever comes out,” she admitted, voice dry. “I love them...I love…”

And then it went blank; before Confession #21 - J.B.A. appeared across the screen.

_ [Cris] What’s going on? I’ve heard something about you and Joana being over? _

_ [Eloy] Why? Hoping to fuck? _

_ [Cris] ??????? _

_ [Eloy] Confession 13. Nice. _

_ [Cris] You watched that?! _

_ [Eloy] It’s on youtube. _

_ [Cris] Nothing has ever happened. _

_ [Cris] Fuck. Eloy, you’re of my closest friends, I would never! _

_ [Eloy] Joana would. _

_ [Cris] What are you talking about? She’s never ever cheated on you. _

_ [Cris] And not with me! _

_ [Eloy] Confession 21. Watch it. _

_ [Cris] Huh??? What? Why?? _

_ [Cris] Eloy? _

The next time Joana was with Cris, it was a little after ten on a Friday night. Estrella had left her pizza and beer while she went out on a date. So the knocking had surprised her, and looking through the peephole, she’d been even more surprised. But worse of all, she knew that she couldn’t turn Cris away, and if Cris was there, that meant she’d probably spoken to Eloy at some point.

Eloy was the only one, aside from Estrella, that knew where she was staying.

“We need to talk,” Cris said, as soon as the door had opened, she flew straight past Joana and marched right into the living room. “Where’s Estrella?” she called, looking around.

“She’s out.” Joana shut the front door, knowing that this moment was fast approaching. She just hadn’t expected Cris to arrive out of the blue.

“Okay, well, whatever, we can still do this.”

“This being?” Joana headed into the kitchen, grabbed another beer and brought it back into the living room, handing it out for Cris.

“I’m driving.” Right. Of course.

She wasn’t staying.

“What exactly can I do for you?” Joana asked, taking a drink, leaning back onto the couch.

“I want answers.” So did Joana, but that was neither here nor there.

“Then ask.”

“What the fuck-what the fuck happened?”

“A lot happened-” Joana shrugged, knowing she was playing with fire. Maybe she wanted to get burned.

“Don’t be so hard headed. You know what I mean. It’s not just a fucking coincidence that Eloy finds out about my confession video the same day you message me about it?” Cris crossed her arms and Joana took another drink, unphased.

“Yes,” she said simply, and for a split second, she thought Cris was going to lose it.

“That’s such bullshit! You needed an excuse to end things and you’re using this, you’re using me, you’re dragging me into this, and it’s fucking low of you.” It wasn’t until Joana stood up straight, beer down on the side table, that Cris realised she had waved the flag in front of the bull with that comment.

Good.

“I do not need an excuse to end my marriage. My marriage is-” Joana began, jaw clenched.

“Don’t even lie by saying it’s good, cause we both know it’s not.”

“Cris-” Joana didn’t get a chance to continue before Cris bit back with more.

“You’re forgetting, Eloy was pretty much my best friend, before this shit, so I know the truth. I know that you two are an absolute mess. I know that you spend more nights asleep on the living room couch than in your own damn bed. I know you haven’t fucked for months. I know that both of you are too blind and stubborn to face up to the fact you got married too early and now want out-” She could have gone on, but it was Joana’s turn.

“Our marriage might not have been the best, but I would never drag someone else into it. I did not do this. I did not tell her,” she said, voice filled with venom. 

“She won’t speak to me,” Cris mentioned, switching topics. “She thinks I still want you. It’s been four fucking years, and apparently now I want to make a move, all because you-”

“I didn’t do anything though!”

“Exactly! You married Eloy when you shouldn’t have, you fucking kept this secret until it blew up in your face! And mine, too! Thank you for that!”

“And you didn’t do the same?” 

“What?” she asked, frowning.

“You took part in that video confession. You kept your feelings for me a secret. You did exactly the same.”

“It’s different,” Cris tried, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“How so? How is it different?” Joana asked, tilting her head to the side, eyebrow raised.

“Because Eloy was my best friend and he was in love with you. I was not going to ruin either of those things by telling him how I felt about you.” 

“Now you see why I didn’t say anything either; hurt Eloy, hurt you, hurt myself,” Joana finished, realising how close she was standing to Cris, before taking a step back.

Neither had to say that the outcome they’d tried to avoid had happened anyway.

With Joana moving back, Cris did, too. She crossed her arms and looked around the living room, choosing to take a seat.

“Is he talking to you?” Cris asked, eyeing Joana carefully. 

“Not really.”

“He’s blocking my calls.” It stung to think Eloy had pushed her away like that.

“He’ll come around when he realises that you did nothing wrong,” Joana said, taking another drink.

“You don’t think he’ll do that for you?”

“I married him while I was in love with someone else, I did do something wrong.” Her voice was filled with such ease, it was almost easy to forget the magnitude of those words.

“You were in love with me,” Cris murmured. It was said as a statement, there was not a trace of questioning in her voice, but Joana answered it like one anyway.

“Yes.”

“We’ve really fucked up.”

“I’ve really fucked up,” She paused “I didn’t tell him about your confession, because I knew he’d see mine. I was trying to save myself from...well, from all this.”

“Your confession…” Cris began to say, biting her bottom lip, unsure how to continue.

“Forget about it. Like you said, four years ago. A lot of things have changed since then,” Joana said, voice strong, unwavering. Her gaze caught Cris’s and they looked back at one another, for that moment too long, taking in the other in a new light.

“It’s forgotten,” Cris finally responded. “I should go.”

“You could have yelled at me down the phone, that was another option,” Joana said as they started towards the door.

“I needed to see you...and I needed answers.” She needed to see Joana as she answered her questions, because if there’s one thing Cris’s always been good at; reading people.

“Did you get any?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding, and Joana nodded back, once.

That was that, Cris left, heading back down the steps and out the building towards her car. Joana closed the door, locking it and taking her keys out, in case Estrella did return home.

Whatever happened, Joana couldn’t ell if it was good or bad. Only time would tell.

Eloy initiated the divorce proceedings as soon as he could. There was no waiting. There were no other options. There was no hesitation. Joana shouldn’t have been surprised.

“I can’t trust you. Our whole marriage was built on a lie,” Eloy explained.

“I never lied,” Joana replied, taking a sip of her coffee. It was still too hot.

“You were in love with my best friend, which you hadn’t bothered to mention.”

“It wasn’t important.”

“It was important to me,” Eloy said, and Joana knew that. She knew that then and she knew that now.

So when the papers came in, she signed her name, without question.

In the months that followed, Joana got her own place, moving in with the help of Estrella, and tried to put her life back together, post marriage. That was easier said than done. She still loved Eloy, loved him to a degree she was never getting back. It was tiring, some days more than others.

Cris’s words echoed in her mind constantly; you needed an excuse to end your marriage and you’re using this. Well, Joana didn’t feel like she was, but she felt like Eloy certainly latched onto that excuse. And maybe that was the bitterness, the pain of losing someone she loved, but Joana wondered. She couldn’t help but wonder.

Would their marriage have lasted had none of that come out? Or was this all just inevitable?

They were questions she was never going to get the answers to, and she knew that. One day she’d grow to not care about those answers, too.

And it happened, slowly, with each change of the season, spring to summer, summer to autumn, autumn to winter, and back again, with winter to spring, and so on and so forth; until one day, when the dust settled, and Joana could finally slip off her wedding ring without any lasting pain, without a second thought, without feeling like she’d lost part of herself.

Eloy had taken his ring off right after the divorce, Joana wasn’t surprised, but she needed longer. She needed to give herself a chance to breathe, to recover, before advertising to the world she was unmarried.

She just needed time.

Being single was something she had to get used to. For starters,if she had to attend events, of any kind, birthdays, dinners, funerals even. Joana was alone. She used to have Eloy, but now, she attended these things alone. For some, she could take a date, but she couldn’t find a date in the first place. And that brought her on to point two, dating.

Dating was hard.

With Eloy, it had been almost instantaneous. There was that magnetic pull, and while Joana’s eyes had always kept Cris in her peripheral, she hadn’t needed to work hard at her relationship with Eloy. It came easy.

But now, dating was far from easy. There was no pull. There was no static with the women or the men she’d met, or even the ones she’d tried to move on to; whether that be for one night or more.

Or, actually, it was all true to a certain extent. But there was still one person who had that pull; one person who made the hair on her body stand on end when she was close, and one person who made it all seem so easy.

“Can I join you?” Cris asked, sliding into the booth next to Joana, knowing what her response would be before asking.

“You may,” Joana said, sitting that little bit taller with Cris’s arm against hers, her fingers skating up the condensation on the side of her drink. 

They were celebrating. It was Jorge’s birthday, and Eva was having none of their nonsense. So Eloy was there, Cris was there, Joana was there, and they were to get the fuck on, according to the message left on their answering machines.

“Has he started talking to you again?” Joana asked, nodding over at Eloy, who was hugging Eva and laughing at something Amira was saying.

“He has,” Cris replied, taking a slow sip of her drink. “I don’t think he’s going to keep talking to me, though.”

“Why’s that?” Joana almost didn’t want to know. Almost.

“I really really want to ask his ex-wife out, but I think it might fuck him off.” With her beer halfway to her mouth, Joana stilled, taking in those words, before finally having another drink. A hefty one this time around.

“Yeah, I can see that fucking him off.” Joana could practically hear her heartbeat in her ears, the music round the bar started to drown out.

“So I don’t really know what to do,” Cris shrugged, and props to her, she didn’t even look phased by their conversation.

“You need to weigh up your options. There are pros and cons,” Joana said, looking at the situation with a neutral view, despite the fact she could feel that magnetic pull from the second Cris had walked into the bar, and the static energy between them was almost impossible to ignore.

“Pros, I’ve been in love with his ex-wife since college, and apparently, she felt the same way at one point. Cons, her ex-husband might never want anything to do with me again.”

“Or, he might, because you did nothing wrong.” Joana was still waiting for Eloy to speak to her again, but there was a good reason there.

“Making a move on his ex-wife, that’s not wrong?” Cris asked incredulously, looking Joana in the eyes for the first time since she sat down.

“Ex-wife for a reason,” Joana replied, looking back, her head tilting slightly.

“Me being the reason,” Cris said, even softer.

“Eloy has no claim on me. No one does” That was true.

“He’ll always have a claim on you.” But so was that.

“So will you, you just never knew that,” Joana finally confessed, knowing that it would have taken one word from Cris, and she would have left Eloy, she would have done whatever.

“Do you regret it?” Cris asked, this time looking away, back to the bar, to their friends.

“Hmm?” She could have been talking about anything.

“The confession video, that is” Joana had asked herself the same question, for months on end.

“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “I was scared, I needed someone to talk to who didn’t know either of you and it helped.”

“It did?” Cris seemed suspicious about that.

“It helped so much. It felt good saying the words aloud; I’m in love with you; even if you never heard them. I needed to admit it. I needed to say it out loud.” Joana could remember sitting on that stool, hands shaking, body filled to the brim with nerves, and the sudden relief once she said the words.

It had been a secret following and haunting her for so long. It had turned from one simple lingering feeling to full blown affection and eventually love, which had needed to remain hidden.

“And yet you still married Eloy,” Cris said. She took another drink, trying to loosen the hurt, but it didn’t work.

“I really didn’t think you were interested, I had no idea” Joana said, looking down at her hands resting in her lap.

If only she’d known.

“What did I have to do to get your attention? I was being obvious as fuck.”

“Apparently not. Eloy didn’t notice either. There’s no way he would have made a move if he thought you were interested.” That made Cris stop for a second.

“Okay that’s a good point, one I hadn’t considered,” she admitted, and Joana let out a sigh.

“It’s all water under the bridge now, anyway.”

“Is it though?” Cris asked, and Joana paused again. “I mean, I think I made it pretty clear I want to ask you out, so is it really all water under the bridge? I know Eloy is going to lose his shit but you two are divorced now, and he’s dating someone-”

“He is?” That was news to her.

“Yeah, I don’t know who, he’s being secretive about it, but there’s someone in his life.” Cris shrugged, and Joana nodded.

There was a sudden rush of happiness, for Eloy. Of course, Joana knew that she wasn’t going to be the last person Eloy spent his time with, but for Eloy to have moved on, to care enough not to unleash his friends on them yet, that was promising. It meant the damage Joana had done was repairable.

It meant that maybe Joana could move on, too.

“Ask me,” Joana said, sitting up straight, pushing down the nerves, the fear, and for once, being brave enough to go for what she really wanted.

It took Cris a second to catch up, and then she turned her body in the booth slightly, their knees knocking, before licking her lips.

“Do you want to...I mean-do you want to maybe...what?” Cris stopped, frowning as a smile crept across Joana’s lips.

“You were so confident when you sat down,” she remarked, and Cris rolled her eyes.

“You’re putting me off,” she said, shrugging, and Joana frowned at that.

“I’m putting you off?”

“Yes, with your face.” That made Joana laugh, and Cris smiled, shaking her head, avoiding Joana’s gaze.

“I can’t do anything about my face though,” Joana said, softly.

“I don’t want you to. I kinda like it.”

“Only kinda?” Joana teased, and Cris rolled her eyes again, turning to look at her as she spoke.

“Shut up, and let me do this.” Squaring her shoulders and sitting up straight, Cris prepped herself. 

“Then do it.”

“So fucking demanding,” Cris muttered, a smile still upon her lips. 

“I’ll do it,” Joana said, and that had Cris’s eyes widening.

“No, you can’t-”

“Why not? Cris, would you like to go on a date with me? See, that was so easy. Now you have to say yes.” Joana couldn’t help but smirk, enjoying the reactions she was getting.

“Again, so demanding. Rude, even,” Cris said, before biting her lip and turning back to look at Joana. “But, fine. Yes, I’d like to go on a date with you.”

Joana tried to hide her grin, even going so far to take a drink, but found herself smiling around the mouth of the bottle. Cris appeared to be in the same boat, head down, looking at her lap, smiling.

Chancing a look, Joana spotted Eloy at the end of the bar, chatting with Estrella, completely oblivious to the world around him. Then Joana looked to her left, to Cris, and knew that even if there was going to be fallout, it felt completely worth it.

They might have gone about it in the completely wrong way, telling strangers their deepest secrets instead of each other all those years ago; and there might have been a marriage, three broken hearts, and months of uneasiness thrown in there; but now, now it felt like that was the way it needed to be.

It had been a mess, it was hurtful and hard, but Joana wouldn’t do any of it differently.

And she knew, while Eloy might be hurt at the start, that it would blow over. He’d talk to Cris again, he’d talk to Joana again, and they’d sort everything out.

College Joana had been so terrified of hurting anyone, causing anyone pain, she’d pushed her own feelings down and completely ignored them. This Joana wasn’t going to do that. It was about time she stopped worrying about anyone else and just went with what felt right.

Everything about Cris felt right; that magnetic pull, the static between them, and that warmth Joana felt deep in her chest everytime Cris smiled in her direction.

Their first date was a mess.

They had plans to go to a little cafe across town, which was more Joana’s choice than Cris’s, but then the weather turned and it was treacherous to walk. Cris arrived on Joana’s doorstep dripping from head to toe, her hair wet and stuck to her face, and her smile wide and bright.

It started as a mess.

Joana managed to put together some kind of meal for them to pick at, with Cris dressed in Joana’s loungewear, sprawled out on the couch, music on, watching the rain outside. It reminded them of college.

Their first date made them a mess.

The food was good, but the taste of Cris’s lips was better. They’d watched the thunder and lightning roll through the area, Joana moving closer, to sit on the floor, leaning against the very couch Cris was on. And then it was one touch, Cris’s hand on Joana’s shoulder, that sparked it. She leant forward, and Joana knew what was coming but was still unprepared.

Her kiss was everything and so much more, it shocked her from the inside out, that spark, that pull, it had her hooked, and Joana tried to control the sudden rush of want she had.

Cris did the opposite.

She pushed herself off the couch, and climbed onto the floor, kissing Joana like her life depended on it, drawing her teeth across Joana’s bottom lip, and moving closer. Joana tried her damndest to keep up, but she felt overwhelmed with each one, until she was whimpering, moaning, and losing herself in Cris’s lips.

“Confession,” she murmured, pulling back, staring right at Cris.

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork,” Cris groaned, kissing her again, smiling into it, and Joana pulled back once more, smiling, too.

“I don’t think I ever fell out of love with you,” Joana admitted, and Cris’s gaze grew headier, her hands coming up, cupping Joana’s jaw. 

“I know,” Cris said, and Joana went to open her mouth, to speak, to ask what she meant, only to have Cris cut her off with another kiss, one that knocked her brain into another gear.

Joana’s hands came up, landing on the hips that were now astride her own, and she tugged, wanting Cris closer, desperate for more.

“Confession,” Cris pants, head dropping back as Joana’s kissed up her neck, “I feel exactly the same way.”

Their first date was a success.

As were all the others that followed.

_ [Joana] Confession: I’m in love with you _ .

_ [Cris] Confession: I’m in love with you too _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I've spent the past month or so working on this and editing it. I don't have a beta or anything like, sorry for any mistakes. I saw this prompt on tumblr awhile back.


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